Have you ever looked around at your life and thought whose life am I living? I spent most of my life feeling like I could be found out at any moment. Yes, even as a young child I felt like a fraud and at any moment someone was going to expose me.
Now I know what you're thinking-how could a child think that. Its not that I was lying or pretending to be someone else, it just felt so wrong to be me. And my world that showed up around me validated this exact thing. People made me wrong, got upset with me, said unnecessary and unkind things to me.
I was super quiet and I didn't bother anyone. I felt that if someone really knew what my thoughts were I would be put on blast and shamed. I couldn't speak my truth or stand up for myself because everyone around me saw me as sweet and compliant and that made people comfortable.
The other day I was looking in the mirror and saw my grey hairs peeking out. My auto response was that I needed to dye it because I always do and that's what people are used to. I had this persona of having it all together and always showing up the same. Don't rock the boat so to say. This brought me to the awareness that I was scared of being found out. Fear of being put on blast as fake. If I stand up for myself, I'm a bitch and not the sweetheart they thought. False!! If I say no to something I previously would have agreed to, I'm difficult.
Lies. Not true.
My final words on this- I openly receive all of the stuff that isn't mine so I can continue to grow, shift and change. And if someone doesn't like it- oh well. Nobody has it all together. That's the beauty of this world.
About the author
Clara is a consciousness facilitator, mom, empath, and energy healer. You can find out more about Clara at www.consciousclara.com
